Perfectly Chosen Family

Being adopted is something that adoptees have no choice in. In fact, it is the choices of those around us that decide how our lives will play out, or at least at the start. Our birthmother made the choice to place us for adoption. Perhaps reluctantly or without other options. Sometimes they are able to choose the family that we the child will go to, sometimes an agency makes that decision. Our adoptive family made the choice to adopt us.   Often this is because the option of having a biological child is not an option at all.   Adoption is almost never someone’s first choice.   In an open adoption, adoptive and birth parents decide together how often visits will happen, how communication will be handled.   Unfortunately, this can start a push and pull between “sides”. There is so much pain and fear, that the most important part of the equation can be overlooked; when the ONLY focus should be on the child and what they need or may want in the futu...

The day after meeting with the adoption disclosure worker at the Children's Aid Society (CAS), I received a call that would change my life forever.  I will never forget where I was standing in my home, my mom was only one room away.  The person on the other end of the line was quite brief and told me that they had found a biological relative match.  If she hadn't sounded so clinical I would have thought I was being punked! I honestly never thought that anything would come of the paperwork that I had filled out just one day prior. Part of me was excited and curious but the other part of me was terrified. The fantasy was over, shit was about to get real. I had so many questions...all leaning towards the negative Who was this person? What would she want from me? What if she tried to take over my family life? What if I was the product of rape or something terrible? What if I hurt my parents? Did I really want this information after all, or should I ...