Perfectly Chosen Family

I am taking a step backwards for this post.   My last post was about the day I met my birthmother, however I would like to go back a month prior to that.   I was hanging out at my best friend Marie’s house, she had been an incredible support during this process (and every day since in every area of my life), we spent lots of our time together.   We were about to drive to my house, but when we went outside we saw a cat that looked quite sick.   It was laying on the lawn just about a house away from hers, was shaved from the neck all the way to the tail and looked really rough.   We needed to do something.   Marie tried to get the cat to come to her but it wasn’t budging.   I am more of a dog person, (I never know what cats are thinking) but felt really badly for this particular cat.   I approached it and tried to call it, to my surprise it came right to me!   I picked the cat up and took it to my car.   We would take it t...

It was a beautiful day in July.   My birthmother and I had decided to meet at a local park.   How do you prepare for this? By that time, the social worker that was in charge of our case had mostly just left us to our own devices.   When deciding where to meet, we had described ourselves and what we would be wearing…as though we were going on a blind date. It seems so ridiculous now.   I pulled my car into the parking lot and took a deep breath, the butterflies in my stomach were intense.   I was so very nervous, but mostly excited. As a got out, a woman was walking towards the car, we both awkwardly smiled and knew immediately it was us.   We hugged, and then she pushed me backwards by my shoulders, I’ll never forget, she said “let me look at you”.   We were both quietly freaking out, it’s hard to even find words to describe it.   I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way in my life, and likely never will again.   It’s...

Using the term "chosen" to describe an adoptee can be quite controversial.  Some adoptees more strongly identify with being rejected or taken away from their biological family rather than being chosen by their adoptive family.  In order to be chosen, it means that someone else did not choose them. So, how can adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents navigate this? Is it possible? Or are children who are adopted sentenced to feeling rejection for life? As an adoptee myself, I can share only my opinion. Allow me to explain why I personally resonate with being chosen rather than left behind or given up.  As an adult in my 30's, almost 15 years into reunion with my birthmother, my eyes are wide open to loss and circumstance, and yet I am forever chosen Let's start with loss. Many adoptees describe the act of being placed for adoption as an early trauma. Often one that they don't consciously experience or comprehend until they are i...