The Best Blind Date of my Life! ~The day I met my birthmother

It was a beautiful day in July.  My birthmother and I had decided to meet at a local park.  How do you prepare for this? By that time, the social worker that was in charge of our case had mostly just left us to our own devices.  When deciding where to meet, we had described ourselves and what we would be wearing…as though we were going on a blind date. It seems so ridiculous now. 

I pulled my car into the parking lot and took a deep breath, the butterflies in my stomach were intense.  I was so very nervous, but mostly excited. As a got out, a woman was walking towards the car, we both awkwardly smiled and knew immediately it was us.  We hugged, and then she pushed me backwards by my shoulders, I’ll never forget, she said “let me look at you”.  We were both quietly freaking out, it’s hard to even find words to describe it.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way in my life, and likely never will again.  It’s so surreal to meet someone who gave birth to you and yet is a perfect stranger. 

She had brought a huge bouquet of roses, yellow and orange.  Twenty-one to be exact.  This was to signify the 21 years that she had missed of my life.  I hadn’t even thought of that, until that point it hadn’t really occurred to me that she had “missed” anything.  The roses were so beautiful.  This moment kept being more and more special.

We walked along the path awkwardly, both really unsure of what to say.  I realize now, how incredibly young I was.  Although I was present in the moment, I really didn’t realize how significant this moment was for myself but mostly for her.  Also, at this point I had no comprehension of how painful it had been for her over the past 21 years, and even now how many emotions she must have been feeling.  As I described in “Fear of the Unknown – Why I decided to search for my birthmother” I didn’t feel a yearning for my birthmother.  Loss is part of being adopted, but for me those feeling were separate from my birthmother and meeting her wouldn’t take them away.  My life had been wonderful, I was thrilled to meet her and learn more about her.  Sadness was not an emotion I had that day, for the most part I was running on adrenaline alone.

We walked over to an area of grass under a tree.  She had brought photos of my birthfather, her cat (explained in “curiosity killed the cat…almost”) and her family.  Photos would have been a great idea for me to bring, my family, friends, pets. I should have thought of that.

She was really pretty and seemed very kind. The whole time we were sitting there, I remember looking at her features, her hands, her feet, searching for something that we shared.  I couldn’t see it. We had the same body type, but that wasn’t enough.  She commented at how many of my features reminded her of my birthfather, my light hair, fair skin, blue eyes.  I couldn’t see the similarities between us.  Maybe I didn’t look like anyone after all.

I have no idea how long we sat at that park, we went for a walk. She showed me where she was married, talked about her family, we asked a local store owner to take a photo of us.  We also took a video that she could show her family and her kids.  She hadn’t told them about me yet and wanted to have something to show them.

The day was a whirlwind. I wish looking back I had taken my time, slowed down and really absorbed it.  Perhaps that is my older and more mature self, looking back on it.  That was not the stage that I was in at the time.  I was bouncing through life and this was another awesome part of it.  I was excited and completely on a high, this was a great moment, there was no sadness to it for me.  

Looking at photos of us together, this feeling of searching for who I looked like seems very silly.  We look so much alike, not only that but our mannerisms are similar, we cope with stressful situations in the same way, we have even had servers at restaurants comment on how similar we are.  I don’t really know what I was looking for, my twin?

For adoptees that are going into a reunion.  Everyone’s experiences are different.  My  personal advice would be to go slow, take it in, bring a couple of things that you would be comfortable sharing and that are significant to you. Most importantly BREATHE! This is one of the many steps you will take, so take it in, enjoy the sunshine and make no apologies.

This is a moment you will never have again, and many people will never have an experience as exceptional as this. It is certainly one of the most surreal moments of my life. We have always been connected, I've always known of her and for my entire life imagined what she would be like. That day my fantasy and reality came crashing together.  It was not the beginning of our story but certainly the start of a new chapter. In that moment it was perfect, I couldn't have asked for more.

I welcome your comments and questions either post here or email me at PerfectlyChosenFamily@gmail.com

Sincerely,

PCF