Perfectly Chosen Family

It was a beautiful day in July.   My birthmother and I had decided to meet at a local park.   How do you prepare for this? By that time, the social worker that was in charge of our case had mostly just left us to our own devices.   When deciding where to meet, we had described ourselves and what we would be wearing…as though we were going on a blind date. It seems so ridiculous now.   I pulled my car into the parking lot and took a deep breath, the butterflies in my stomach were intense.   I was so very nervous, but mostly excited. As a got out, a woman was walking towards the car, we both awkwardly smiled and knew immediately it was us.   We hugged, and then she pushed me backwards by my shoulders, I’ll never forget, she said “let me look at you”.   We were both quietly freaking out, it’s hard to even find words to describe it.   I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way in my life, and likely never will again.   It’s...

It is a very interesting thing, to write letters to the person who gave birth to you...and yet is a stranger. Thankfully, my birthmother wrote the first letter. To my surprise she addressed it to me by first name. I had specifically told the adoption disclosure worker NOT to provide my name. Initially, I felt very exposed, however little did I know how much knowing my first name meant to my birthmother.  When she was pregnant with me, her sister was also expecting. It was a very different circumstance as her sister was married and expecting their second child. She gave birth to a girl, born three months after me. By absolute chance, we share the same name!  In the years between my birth and this early stage in our reunion, my birthmother had watched my cousin grow up, seeing where I would be in development and milestones. It had helped her cope with the loss of placing me for adoption. Life is a crazy thing!! We wrote letters to each other for...

Using the term "chosen" to describe an adoptee can be quite controversial.  Some adoptees more strongly identify with being rejected or taken away from their biological family rather than being chosen by their adoptive family.  In order to be chosen, it means that someone else did not choose them. So, how can adoptees, birth parents and adoptive parents navigate this? Is it possible? Or are children who are adopted sentenced to feeling rejection for life? As an adoptee myself, I can share only my opinion. Allow me to explain why I personally resonate with being chosen rather than left behind or given up.  As an adult in my 30's, almost 15 years into reunion with my birthmother, my eyes are wide open to loss and circumstance, and yet I am forever chosen Let's start with loss. Many adoptees describe the act of being placed for adoption as an early trauma. Often one that they don't consciously experience or comprehend until they are i...